And then my mother was gone…

The first major life transition for me was the loss of my mother. I was 27 years old and not prepared for what happened.

The loss of my mother kickstarted a whole journey I could have never imagined, though. It was my entire mental health journey.

I was already struggling with depression and anxiety before she died. It intensified by millions with her loss. I didn’t realize how sheltered I was nor how little I knew about being a responsible adult.

The journey from that loss prepared me for the next contender response to this question…

And then my daughter no longer needed a full-time mother and moved out on her own…

Through the loss of my mother, I had a strong sense of only having my daughter left. My world revolved around her but, due to my experience over my mother, I knew that I needed to push my daughter to learn the skills to survive with or without me. This meant urging her to discover the responsibility of making her own appointments, making sure she kept track of her own work schedule, and only offering advice as she grew into an adult. Did I do it perfectly? No. However, I allowed her to prepare without a system shock of loss on top of having to learn.

Do you know that saying, “If you love someone, let them go?” That was my approach to teaching my daughter to survive on her own while encouraging her to move out on her own when she was ready.

Someone forgot to tell me to prepare myself for massive depression via empty nest syndrome though. Oops! I started getting tics among other stress-related symptoms. Let’s not forget the sheer amount of texting I do to try and connect with her, or the fact I am annoyed about her being 2 hours away so I cannot just pop on by to check on her.

She will be here on Sunday for a visit. I haven’t seen her since Christmas. I’ve been collecting gifts for her. She had her first birthday away from home, her 20th, back in January.

And then perimenopause hit me like a ton of bricks…

If all the things I was feeling over my daughter moving out weren’t enough, I will turn 40 in May. It is almost like Mother Nature said, “Hold my wine and watch this…” before smacking me with the menopause stick to kickstart the change of life.

I am now grieving the loss of youth. You know, those childbearing years without crazy hormonal changes and hot flashes. My better half accuses me of turning our bedroom into a refrigerator (and sometimes the Arctic Circle) because I cannot stop sweating.

I didn’t want more kids. My daughter is 20! I did my tour of duty at this point. Those sleepless nights in her teens when she went through her rebellious stage, etc. Oh goodness, no. I do not wish a return. However, coming off just 7 months since my daughter moved out… it does feel like a slap in the face. I grieve the loss of my daughter being at home just for my body to decide that I am very done. It hit me differently.

These three things…

They are the hardest of the goodbyes I have ever made. I had to say goodbye to being a daughter, a mother, and my youth. Those last two happening on top of each other makes this all the more bittersweet.