Gratitude

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Details

I am grasping at straws for gratitude, lol. I’ve been feeling stressed and overwhelmed. As a matter of fact, yesterday I burst into tears out of sheer overwhelm. I had 2 people telling me what and how to do things with my new radio instead of letting me figure it out. Then, I had repeat phone calls from family. I am connecting my phone with the radio they installed to test it when I get another call from family. M left to go do other things while my better half continued helping me. None of my radio stations I love were working and I couldn’t figure out why it had half stations (i.e. instead of 106.1, it would say 106.10 or 106.15).

I started crying.

The better half was wondering why I was upset about getting a new radio and I just said I didn’t know why I was crying. After I was able to fully explain that I got overwhelmed by everyone telling me how to do things, plus the phone call in the middle of trying to take care of setup, and I just lost it because it was too much at once.

Have I mentioned my lack of multitask-ability and assertiveness before?

I was still struggling with having to assert myself and ask my family to call only once with a voicemail if needed, because I will return their call as soon as I have time. The repetitive calls (some only an hour apart) were a bit much and I just wanted them to know that I am not mad or ignoring them, I am simply living my life and busy.

I am not entirely sure that went over well because now they won’t answer my calls. This is the norm. This particular family never did like it when I asserted my needs for any reason. They seem to take it personally, even if it isn’t my intention.

I find it more interesting that I was not upset or scared to assert myself, I just knew what outcome to expect, and felt hurt that would most likely be the case.

I find it extremely awesome that I built enough self-love to not care that taking care of my needs might mean a bad reaction. I’m quite proud of myself for reaching this point in my mental health.