Gratitude

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As someone who really appreciates a skill-based personal conversation once in a while, I really do appreciate that I can still see my therapist, although I am in maintenance. I know the skills and I work through my problems on my own. However, there is nothing like talking through skills with someone who knows what you are doing to try and work through those problems.

My therapist is 15 years older than me but she is just starting her change of life as I am and so I asked her a personal question:

Can perimenopause decrease an already low stress tolerance level? I already struggled with stress management but, over the last while, it has gotten worse. Now my overwhelm has intensified more than ever. I have started manifesting all those physical symptoms and I have to wonder if it is the fluctuation of my hormones causing me to be less tolerant.

The short answer is yes.

The long answer is an explanation of how someone can take in all this stress through their life, and once the process starts, it is like the mind says, “I’m done with this stuff,” and decides to fight back.

It makes a lot of sense because my stress meltdowns are quite new, intense, and have pushed me to set up more boundaries with my needs and time. It is like I shifted into a new gear with my journey and I am not letting myself get stepped on as much. I’m drawing lines and enforcing them.

What I am trying to do now is become more mindful of those increases so I can work to balance myself before it reaches overflow.

Tiger Lily

Today is this feline’s birthday. She turns 7 years old. That means it will be 7 years since I first received her cuteness as a kitten within the next 6 weeks. I didn’t get her from a breeder or anything like that. My bestie knew someone whose tiger cat just had kittens with an orange longhaired Manx-mix male. Half of her kittens had full tails and half were bobtailed.

Lily actually has a quarter tail. There is a spinal defect in her tail where it would have stopped for a bobtail and grew just a little bit farther. In turn, I do notice she must have some nerve damage in her back end. The muscles of her rear end are slightly underdeveloped and she hops when she runs, like a bunny.

We do not have issues and she doesn’t act like she hurts. However, it does make her back end more sensitive to touch and she will bite at you if you pet her there for too long. However, she seems like she is living her best life. She is still as playful as she was when she was just one year old.

Like most cats who choose a human, she reflects a lot of my traits. She has a lot of anxiety and has taken anxiety medication to manage it in the past. She has a dislike of sharing space with any other cats, but she is starting to tolerate other humans now. It only took 2 years to realize it wasn’t changing and decided to be a bit nicer.

She is attached to me at the hip most of the time and she has separation anxiety like you would not believe. When she wakes up from, what appears to be, a bad dream, she seeks me out to sit on my lap and feel comforted. If I am not doing well, she lays with me in bed. She is not one to sleep with me unless I am really off emotionally. She gives me purpose when I do not feel like I have any. She has helped me through some of the darkest times. When I got her, it was because I had to put my adopted cat down. She was elderly with pancreatic cancer. She started filling with fluid and was not getting better.

Now just called, “Lily,” “Lily Bug,” “Satan, ” or “Demon,” I wouldn’t trade her for anything. Yes, she answers best when you call her by her spirt name, “Satan.” 🤣 That came from the rain of destruction she created when she was 1-2 and would chew through any power cord not strong enough to withstand her teeth.

I cannot believe it has been 7 years for this girl. I am grateful she has got to live her best life and I got to share in it.