Gratitude

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Let’s Discuss

Such a vicious animal, that depression. It loves to nip at my heels when I need it least. Although, seriously, does anyone ever need a depressive episode?

If you saw my post from last night, then you are aware that I am struggling with the job market, my business, and maintaining my mental health through adversity.

I am quite stable, just feeling very down about the effort to response ratio. I feel like I am not contributing enough to the household. I am acutely aware that my business isn’t profitable enough (right now) for financial survival and I am feeling the pinch.

I spent so much time working low-end positions rather than going for higher-end options, when my background was more recent, because I was so focused on being a mother and just keeping a roof over my head. The amount of time and effort required for those positions was much too heavy for trying to be present in my daughter’s life, too.

We all make sacrifices in parenting. I have no regrets over making sure I had time to physically be there when my child was young. I’m just feeling the nasty morning-after nausea from my choices.

No recent experience? Well, maybe you shouldn’t drown yourself in opposing choices before going back into the field.

I think age plays against me. Young, fresh-faced college students are easier to hire because they are not expected to have that experience yet. I’m not mad about it. I just wish the process were a little smoother for my nearly 40-year-old self.