It all started on July 31st, 2023…

My mother would have turned 65 if she were still alive. I also had an early appointment for a pain management procedure at the hospital.

Right after I woke up that morning, my heart decided it was going to race. It was faster than my average panic attack, it had happened once (possibly twice) before. I decided to ignore it, take my anxiety medication for the procedure, and go. By the time triage took me back, it had raced for an hour and a half.

They panicked a little, to say the least.

---

I was promptly wheeled to the ER. That is where they strapped me to the lovely AED, and chemically slowed my heart.

It was strong enough that it required two doses, and I was still in tachycardia! It just slowed to the 110 range instead of 170-150 bpm range.

It was later determined that I have Supraventricular Tachycardia (SVT).

My O2 levels wouldn’t go over 90, though.

I spent the day in the ER being watched before they transferred me to a large hospital for further analysis.

I wish I could say I received answers. I still do not have answers for my dyspnea and lowered O2.

I just continue existing while not feeling well now.

---

This opened my eyes. I could have my smoking hot moment (death and cremation) at any time! I questioned whether I would be happy with the life I lived, if I were to die that day.

I had love finally. I had family in my daughter, my life partner, and his children. Still, I questioned what I had done for myself. These were all ways others affected my life quality.

I always made sure others were okay. I forgot to do things I that would build my quality of life in return.

---

That moment gave me direction. It forced me to realize my own dreams and aspirations. I no longer wanted to depend on the feelings I gained from others. I was going to do what I needed for myself.

---

Featured Photo by Brett Jordan on Pexels.com